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Days until…RP Event - May DanceMay 2nd, 20131 pm, SLT - Dance into the May, vote for the May Queen ! - Rock the Cock A Hoop!
This Notice was received in the Editors office:
On Sunday, the day of our lord, April 21 and the first day of spring, our beloved MIss Esmeralda did go to meet her maker. Present at the time of her passing were Miss Mysti, healer, a newcomer a monk with a good heart , and the hunter Veldrin.
Her body lies in the hospital and will need to be buried . Silent the priest is willing to perform services at her beloved abbey.
Please pass this on to all who knew and loved
She will be missed.
Editors comment: It is understood that she was buried in haste, prior to her Last Will and Testament was discovered. So for anyone who missed her funeral, it is probable she will have to be dug up and replanted elsewhere; oh and erm Sans Boots.
There are of course questions arising from this untimely death, to wit:
Why had the old lady written a Will? was she aware of her imminent passing?
Why a few days before her passing was she shriven by the priest Silent?
Who was the Monk who was in attendance at her death?
Why was the Hunter Veldrin present?
Why did she not die in her home peacefully?
Why was she buried with unseemly haste; and of course
What did she die of?
***STOP STOP PRESS***
(No not a killer whale – the Green Kind)
An Orc, apparently having sniffed the aroma of human child in the shape of drindle decided that she would make an extremely acceptable lunch. However, like a she leopard defending her cub, the Elf Runa leapt to her defence and persuaded the Orc to feast on a sheep instead (always a sensible option as the wool gives a fine flossing action on the teeth).
DART THE NAKED TRUTH
Dart having communed with nature, made some dramatic appearances and from henceforth may even be called “The Naked Bard”
Here is his latest:
His eyes are bright, his skin is tight across his mended frame.
He wears a leaf and weaves a wreath, no clothing to his name.
Now freed of tree, (as plain to see,) of mushroom not a trace!
Of ale and mead he has no need, yet a smile is on his face.
He wanders free and delights to see the creatures in their play,
the winged thing he calls his friend, and is careful where he lay.
No flesh he eats, nor fish nor beast, he finds an ample fare
in the fruits and things that the forest brings as he discovers what is there.
Could Gaia now through her magic somehow have changed the Bard for good?
Will he never give in to the ways of the inn, never drink till his head’s made of wood?
And will he join with his lute, and his pipe and his flute with the elves in Wylds here in Dee?
Or will we find him again on the floor of the inn with his tankard spilled for all to see?
DID IT DIE OF BOARDOM?
The boar captured by Veldrin and kept in the cell near the city gates was found to be dead even more remarkable, the cell doors were so badly damaged, it would seem as if an earthquake had struck. Suspiciously above the damaged gates, and inscription was spotted; see sketch made by our resident artist:
As we all know readers one can ignite putrid gases that emanate from rotting bodies (we shall refrain from description of an experiment we know of to prove this) ; we also know that the black powder used in cannons can be used to cause violent effects such as those seen on the gates of the cell. Could this be therefore the result of an explosion caused by black powder or did someone smoke too close to the by now overly fragrant pig?
This is what the leader of the Human Council Cali had to say about it when she issued the following statement:
“The cell in which the boar was kept has been found broken into, and the boar dead. Cas, Leana, and I have drug (sic) the rotting animal into the river, and managed to chase out a few rats. There is a sign posted above the door to the cell which reads “Here see what you get, When you make a wild creature a pet.”
I have to admit, I am furious. I suggested long ago that the boar be released, but of course I would not act unless there was a majority vote to do so, and there wasn’t. It would have been far more merciful to have released the boar, and then hunted it, rather than kept it locked up as we did.
Next time there is a dangerous animal roaming about the city, have the mercy to kill the beast instead of making it wait for it’s inevitable end.
Cali- Leader of the Dee Human Council”
Editors comment: So it would seem dear reader the boars sad demise was due to bureaucratic protocol and possibly a surfeit of apples, causing an excess of gas just waiting for a source of igniton? ……………………………. But wait! who wrote the inscription and why?
ALIENS SIGHTED IN DEE?
The following report was filed by Jessie Miggins:
A silver skinned creature has come to Dee to speak to the dead!
Ms. Miggins reading the cryer is interrupted by a creature towering over her, wearing a silver skin and speaking as godly. Once demanded to show him where the dead rest she sadly thinks of loved ones who rest and declines to do such. At such point he promises her death and leaves threatening to come as she parishes and speak to her cold dead body..
This must have been an unnerving experience for the poor woman which would no doubt explain her recent withdrawal from society; one wonders indeed if she has taken the Veil, the sightings of her being so infrequent. OR could it possibly b, that she has been abducted by the very Aliens she reported?
SUMMARY OF THE MINUTES OF THE RECENT HUMAN COUNCIL MEETING
The council held a meeting one week last Sunday. Here are a few of the key points discussed.
-Security: The short story- we need more of it. The Legion is looking for new recruits who are good with a weapon to protect the village from any possible danger. Also, any trustworthy villager who is in need of a weapon, but has no way of getting hold of one, can come and ask Cali for one. She will ba glad to help.
-Education: Miss Mysti has brought up the idea of creating a school house for children, and others who wish to learn to read and write. More information about this will be sent to the cryer as progress is made.
RETRACTION OF A RECENT ARTICLE
A note was received in the Cryer Office thus:
To all Cryer Readers,
I will make this as short as possible. The report of my supposed rampage in the last cryer was false. It is true that I have been attempting to make it harder to just walk into the castle grounds, but I never started “foaming at the mouth” over it.
Also, a quick note about Yaron’s accused drunkenness: Yes, he was drinking at the St. Patrick’s day party, we all were (with the exception of Jade of course), he was likely on the roof to search out a new guard post, and even I have fallen into that pile of fodder a few times.
I assure you that these attacks against us are merely an attempt to cause panic and distrust of our council, and all council members are reliable and in our right minds.
Cali- Leader of the Human Council of Dee
Of course the only reaction to this note (apart from a lot of swearing and the words “I̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶m̶a̶n̶ ̶d̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶t̶e̶s̶t̶e̶t̶h̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶”); is to withdraw the article with our full apologies and castrate the ̶s̶n̶i̶t̶c̶h̶, erm reporter who provided the original l̶i̶e̶s̶ information.
TEL COIA – DAY OF LIFE
(Traditional seasonal Celebration Day if the Wylds)
The Tribe of the Children of Gaia sit in attendance of those who have grievances and other issues.
Petitions to the Cora can be made, small gifts for the tribe should be brought.
The Tribe Council then judges those issues an declare the outcome of their judgments.
Once all petitioners have come before the tribe council and all issues have been addressed, the tribe assembles once more for a closing ceremony, wherein a final blessing of the Mother is invoked.
Traditionally, following the closing of the day, the tribe retires to enjoy themselves as a group, in a fine festival and revelry commemorating the coming together of all the varied groups that comprise the tribe.
The End of Day Celebration – The Tribe gathers in a convenient location and eats, drinks, and is merry. The Day has ended and all judgments have been given. Old grievances have been closed, and those who may have had issues with each other are encouraged to let go of any old grudges and enjoy a good time with the others.
Ladies and Lords, Human and the like, Kings and Queens, Princesses, Heroes, Bards and Maiden -All are invited and welcome!
Everyone knows it, barely one likes to miss it : the Monday Bardic. It is not only what it is supposed to be , but way more than a bardic! It is YOUR chance to get a foot in the story, to meet ” the others”, to share what you know and listen to the happenings at the Isle.
Not urgently the true happenings, but what each thinks to be the truth. Along with drinks, funny or sad tales, good or terrible songs. Be there, be seen, listen and share.
What Doc did the miss cause such pain , what worms are eating the shirtless man, who dressed the girl in leaves, what happened to the burning stocks and how did the rats navigate that ship all by their own?
Learn about today at the bardic!
Come one , come all.
We train today at 10 am at the arena in the city , please come in armor or light armor..Todays subject is bows and dodging techniques
Legion Commander. .
MAY FESTIVAL IN DEE
Come and join our celebrations of the return of the sun from its long winter slumber and the re-awakening of the land.
Quaff tankards of foaming ale in the ‘Cock a Hoop’ Tavern; Dance around the Maypole with lusty maidens; drag one off and throw up in the bushes…. no hold on that should be ‘drag one off and throw her in the bushes.
It has been said many times that the May festivals are Pagan and a fertility rite, well we just happen to think that is fine, especially if there are large quantities of the amber nectar and lusty maidens. After all the Maypole is a phallic symbol! So one would have to be a total phallus not to enjoy oneself.
Starts Thursday, 2rd May at 1 pm SLT outside the ‘Cock a Hoop’ Tavern on the Isle of Dee – bring your own food and lusty maiden if you have one to spare.
CURE FOR DEADLY GOBLIN FEVER FOUND!
(full story below)
***STOP STOP PRESS***
GIANT SPIDER ATTACK
(Story and picture below)
***STOP STOP STOP PRESS***
(as opposed to her normal ‘selective’ hearing)
(no sign language available for this story)
GOBLIN FEVER – THE START
It all started when a foul smell started to permeate the Forge, it was thought that it was caused by the rotting slime left over after the Goblins had left their mark on the place. Although scrubbing of the square was carried out by concerned citizens, it became apparent that mere scrubbing alone wasn’t going to solve the problem; and then, it happened, one morning the smell was gone. When the citizens finally crept into the Forge, they found golden nuggets and green gems. But all was not as it seemed.
It was inevitable that the young girl drindel would be the first to succumb to curiosity, apart from the fact that she is out of bed and up before anyone else on the Isle; and succumb she did. The Hunter Veldrin heard a scream for the warehouse and rushed to her aid. He found drindel, obviously sick (the vomit was everywhere) being attacked by a large rat, which he slew.
Then thinking she had some rat borne disease he carried her to the Hospital, regardless of the vomit erupting down his back at near every stride. As he carried her, drindel kept murmuring about the Goblin Gold and Gems causing her sickness; and he realized that the bites from the rats were too new to have caused her to try to empty her entire body over him. At the hospital he handed her over to the healers and eventually left with a worried expression on his face and a ruined shirt.
Soon citizens from all over were crawling into the hospital with the fever; and soon the hospital was full with nary a bed unoccupied and some patients with blankets on the cold floor near the fireplace. Thus it was quickly established that a cure must be found before the Healers themselves, already showing signs of the sickness, fall prey to its rigours, leaving no-one left capable of saving the human population.
At this time an extraordinary thing occurred. The Hunter Veldrin, burst into the hospital; having previously been in to leave the carcass of large stag; was now returning to take something. He rushed in, gathered drindel into his arms (ruining another shirt), and rushed off with her. Followed to a small peninsular on the shoreline near to his camp he had lain the child carefully in a patch of flowers and was standing guard over her. Threatening Silent the Priest with a hail of arrows if he approached.
Something had to be done before the disease tore apart the fabric of society or worse, killed everyone!
THE SEARCH FOR THE CURE
Silent, having followed a taunting Goblin, discovered a scroll left by the fleeing green meanie, inside of some green goblin slime. Delving into the slimy revolting mess was stomach churning but necessary to learn clues. It was apparent after deciphering the scribble on the scroll, that they find five items before they could proceed.
Dizzy, weak, with sore throats and stomach pains, Silent and Mysti set off together to find a cure for the goblin curse, leaving Kat and Leana to watch out for the other patients. Over the course of most of the day, Mysti found Green Root and Silent found the remaining 4 items. The last instructions were that they to place these items at the foot of something called the heart tree and burn them, in sacrifice to the goblins, and a cure would be be the result. Exhausted and weak the two pushed on with their search aided by the precious and beautiful foal, (does it not seem this Foal may be some sort of ‘magical being?) but all to no avail. Too drained to go any further they returned home resolving to find the heart tree the next day.
The next morning whilst Silent slept, Mysti crept out and went on with the search. After two hours, legs scraped from bushes and dizziness overtaking her, she let out a scream for help. The Elf Cora Runa, heard her scream and after a good deal of discussion, agreed to take Mysti to the Heart Tree, but with the promise that Mysti tell no one. Well Mysti could not make that promise, for she now shares her life and all she knows with her love, so the Cora blindfolded her and led her around the woods for, what felt like an eternity to the location of the beautiful heart tree. With the ceremony completed, Mysti finally had the cure. She showed Cora Runa where the goblin scroll lay and believes that even the Cora may have been afflicted also.
Mysti shared the cure with Leana, Kat, Riven and Veldrin who insisted upon keeping the bottle of cure to give to the child, Drindel. Veldrin later returned the bottle to Kat with instructions to pass it to Mysti.
NB. the following is a note from Mysti the Healer:
Be warned, if thee be still in need of the cure to hold thy nose, for it is putrid tasting but will work fast to heal thee.
For those still attracted to what shines, please remember this experience before thy greed dost take thee over.
signed Mysticall Dream, head healer of Dee
DRINDEL, THE HUNTER AND THE ELF
A lot of citizens have noticed that there appear to be a very odd relationship between the child Drindel and the Hunter Veldrin, the most unpleasant and untrustworthy member of the Human community (he even denies being part of that). He seems to almost feel responsible for the little one, obviously caring deeply for her. Even stranger is the relationship between the child and the Elf Cora Runa of the Wylds, who is not noted for her love of humans. The relationship between the Elf and the Hunter seems to have been strengthened by their mutual affection for the child; and in fact they have been heard bickering like overstressed parents over some of Drindel’s antics. The Hunter blaming the Elf for her lack of rigorousness in control, whereas the Elf says the Hunter wishes to be too strict. Of course while these arguments continue, the young Drindel has free rein to get into more mischief, which she manages with an ease that defies description.
INCREASE IN ACTIVITY AROUND THE DARK CAVES
As if the Humans do not have enough problems facing them currently, there has been a noticeable increase in sightings of the Dark ones emerging like moths from their cocoon of the Dark Caves; in fact close observation by our resident artist has recognised and sketched three different Dark Elves; these are:
Whilst there doesn’t seem to have been any direct threat or attacks made, there is certainly trouble being brewed. Why only the other day during the Bardic meeting in the tavern the following was heard being chanted outside:
“There were some humans corsages and bold”
“They listened to the Wylds And believed there word”
“And now they did as they were told”
“Using Wylds brew on the sick and old”
“Soon they all will fall in decay”
“Victim to Wylds scheming and treachery’s ways”
“Then they will learn the real enemy”
“Not dark elf’s who been good to thee”
“The Wylds that made you sick”
“To get their isle back, that is there trick”
Now that fellow citizens, looks very much like something is being stirred with a very large spoon!
I have to add this to the Dark Elves increased activity., I shall reprint it in his own words:
There I was minding my own business in my camp, watching Drindel messing about in the fishing hut, when i hear movement in the bushes. Well I say movement, more like a herd of those elephant things crashing about in there. So I unslings my bow and call out asking who was there, all of a sudden my alarm goes off and this huge great spider appears so I shot an arrow into it and ran like all the demons of hell were on my heels yelling at Drindel to get out and run. Well when I reached her and turned, it had gone. Went back and nothing, just trampled down vegetation.
So dear readers, be warned, the Darkness is stirring, there is a smell of sulphur in the air!
Our well liked and respected elderly Miss Esmeralda, former travelling artiste, if we are so inclined to believe her stories; previous keeper of the abbey of Saint Vitus and the orphans, has gone into a state of rapid deterioration. She is continuously going missing for days, when she is found, she talks strangely and has a pitiable haggard look and a stink of decay about her.
During the recent Bardic in the Cock a Hoop Tavern she entered, asking for the Tavern Maid Willow, who has not been seen for several weeks now. Then she went on to talk about spirits and other strange things. Caring hands were able to settle her into the old rocking chair, where she used to entertain tavern guests and their children with amazing tales and fables. This time she would not tell any of those; and had to be fed by Miss Misty, since it was apparent that the old miss is lacking not only of a sense for hygiene but food as well. We have no further information on the poison she keeps talking about. Is it the same as the sleeping powder that she says that she has had prepared by our Healer Mysti? Who, as a good and honest decent law abiding woman, denies to have done so. Whilst Miss Esmeralda changes from moments of clarity to insane drooling rants, it has to be said as the ranting increases, the clear moments are becoming rare. There is little doubt that she is planning to eventually take the powder to make an end to her suffering. It appears strange then that although she has repeatedly asked for absolution. The very man who can grant her request seems to care more for stuffing his pipe and asking half interested question, than giving the dying woman what she desires..
CASTLES – TO KEEP EM OUT OR WHAT?
Human Council Leader Cali threw her toys out of the pram yesterday after yet another break in at the castle. Two masked figures in black were seen breaking in to the Guards quarters and stealing a number of bows and swords. Cali, who only a few days ago posted a notice outside the gates warning folks to stay out; was seen by our reporter last night and noticed the steam issuing from her ears. was heard to be shouting something like “I will not have thieves and vagabonds breaking in to the castle willy nilly. I warn everyone there will be repercussions and as soon as Yaron has sobered up he will be tasked to make arrests, The stocks await the next person found where they shouldn’t be” Still foaming at the mouth she swung around pointing “Look they leave the doors open after them too” Our reporter backed away at this point and unfortunately left the main gate open.
I asked her but she ignored me!
YARON DRUNK (again?)
It really does make one wonder about the safety of our citizens. First we see an obviously pie eyed Yaron dancing with drink in hand at the St Patrick’s party. Next we saw him balancing on the roof of the gatehouse; and now crawling out of a pile of fodder after yet another night (Knight) in his cups.
THE STINK HAS GONE!
Hooray, the cleaning of the Forge and the City Square has born fruit….. hmm looks like golden and pretty coloured fruit at that…..
DART THE STORY SO FAR
(Is it rooted in truth, does it branch out into mythology;
or is it just barking up the wrong tree and leaves you cold)
After commissioning that vile creature Veldrin the Hunter to trt to find out what had been happening with Dart in the Forest; he came back this morning and handed me a scroll…. this is reproduced below:
THESE ARE THE WORDS OF THE ELF CORA RUNA
(As spoken to Veldrin the Hunter)
A child of men approached me several times, requesting help from the spirits of the forest to help Dart with his sickness. Later the councillor and other humans asked us to help freeing the bard from his demon possession/obsession. The set condition was that the bard came or was brought to the Cora to submit himself into the care of the Hini Tel’kemen’Fae by his own free will.
When the pleading of the bard appeared in written form, where he stated that he would change his aggressive ways towards the forest beings, if only they would help him, I started to trust to be able to let the man understand our ways better, if only he survived.
The man Dart approached one day while I was sitting with friends, when he recognized me, he let me take him deep into the forest close to the holy sanctuary and inner circle around our home. There I was able to learn about his sickness.
He was ready to accept death to escape his suffering from eating too many of the flying mushrooms that you call toadstool. Those mushroom spirits playing with his mind and body, waking the urge to eat more and more of the poison that would in the end kill him. I decided he needs to be protected from going to pick and eat more of them, and his body and mind needing cleansing.
Saying he was ready and wishing to be himself again, he gave an oath to not disturb the peace of the place we Fae call home and be calm and caring when approached. Then he let me tie him to the Tree and the Druid of the Hini Tel’kemen’Fae and I began our preparations.
Under abdicating nutrition starting the required fasting, I sought to summon the ancient spirits of the isle and Gaia by singing to them, requesting aid from the Tree Dart was tied to, requesting that they do not kill the man but help the druid and I in our effort to heal. To give him and us the strength; and to allow us channel the energy that we required for this risky ritual that could kill the man and us, if we failed.
Prepared like that we would then start the actual rituals of cleansing that would take days if not weeks. During all the time Dart was kept warm and we provided food, Nectar and water and the guardians of the forest were around to keep the place free from disturbance.
Of course we assumed that, since the human kin agreed to leave him in our care to work our skills on him in attempt to save his life, they understand this time better to leave us alone to do this, to respect the rituals and not to disturb them with their mortal presence, banter and haste. This already in the past almost led to a man dying and war. We trusted they may have learned from the past..but no….
While myself in deep trance, and later exhausted from the strain things went wrong.
Again they barged into, disturbing with their stomping about, their voices, their haste, their ignorance and distrust. Bringing selfish energy into the sensitive aura of the place, during a high sensitive ritual that was only about to begin.
While trying to install a mental link between Dart , myself and the tree, one of your church men – that I had to promise Dart to keep away from him - and your councillor rushed to stomp , one even in full war attire armed , babble , touch, argue.
The greatest insult of all was that they apparently do not have the patience to wait for results nor the understanding of trust and care. They, who asked us to keep the mans life up, themselves once more made it impossible to work our skills.
I lost connection, the Isle and Gaia worked their own will. The trees took hold of the man and they connected in unexpected way to him. Now we must wait and trust the magic to do work on their own since we are nearly if not completely excluded from directing the progress.
We will continue to try keeping him alive and have him return to his old self in shape and life-form, but if he becomes part of the isle itself , it is to blame on those not keeping their distance.
It is highly shaming to see that those that should know better, think themselves so important as to ignore simple rules of respect. We would not barge into your rituals, we would not bring drums into your church, and you wonder why we react in anger and frustration when our words are not followed.
And above all…. you shall not bring your weapons to our home.
From now on, there is open season on armed humans approaching the wilderness. You bring your weapon, we respond by attacking.
You will learn the hard way since the gentle has failed with you.
Yaara’cora Tel’Hini Tel’kemen’Fae,
Yaara tel’elderlie, Atara Yaara’tel’Merka
GOBLINS IMPROVE CITY VIEWS
The stink from the decomposing Goblin slime permeates every part of the town square, the residents, Especially Healer Mysti have been hard at work scrubbing the cobblestones in and attempt to get rid of it. Our resident artist managed to make this quick painting of Mysti in full scrub mode (unfortunately Mysti made him destroy his first attempt)
A HABIT OR?
It has become obvious to all that there is something going on between the Priest Silent and the healer Mysti. They have been seen in various unusual positions in all sorts of compromising places. No wait!….. perhaps that should read ‘They have been seen in various compromising positions in all sorts of unusual places’
(Oh come on what did you expect? this is a family publication)
THE GREAT CRAZY CHICKEN MASSACRE
Now really this should be in OOC, although it as done IC….. and it was a total hoot! Lots of mad chickens running around trying to kill us (and succeeding at first) and then we followed them into psychedelic chicken coops and got our own back! …. and at the end of it all there was loot to be had. Anyone who missed this missed some great fun…. unfortunately is was sooo crazy our resident artist failed to capture it on canvass.
Now a lot of you know the child Drindel; and some of you have no doubt been a little confused by some of her stories; I know the Hunter Veldrin has, he dived into the sea yesterday in search of her stuffed rabbit that she had told him it had fallen into the water (actually she told him a sea monster took the meat that she had been cleaning in the sea and also her stuffed rabbit). After a fruitless and extremely cold search, Veldrin climbed, dripping from the water shivering only to find that the Rabbit was being held by drindel and was totally dry…… anyway I digress…. last evening she came to the office of the Cryer and handed over a picture she claimed was some sort of gargoyle that she had see climbing out of a crack in the ground near the Abbey.
Now thinking that it was another case of drindel crying wolf, I reluctantly went up and searched the area; and guess what, right in front of the church steps, there is a crack and coming from that crack are small unpleasant apparitions coming out of it…… so we have a mystery, does anyone out there have an answer?
(The Editor of the cryer would like to apologise to drindel for doubting her words)
The following was received at the Cryer Office from an unknown source. It is a report on the Wylds meeting, from an observer and has been reprinted verbatim:
When we get to listen to tales, we often hear about winged creatures that talk, and about dangers from within the shadows of the forests that lure for prey. When you go to get in touch with the fae, you not only hear about but see them. Gathered of all shades and shapes they sit, and it seems strange that humans are bringing their children to them, that sit snuggled up to Fae, that many know as the maybe most dangerous beings on the Isle. So it happened the past night deep within the forest where the fae sometimes gather. I could not go close enough to hear what was spoken, but as more and more more or less strange beings came together at the fire, the wrathful blood stirring sounds of something big…something hungry… came closer. I left hurriedly to save my own arse when the smell of fresh blood almost caused me to empty my stomach-which would have put me on risk to be detected.
I wonder; what makes our fellow residents go see the barbarians of the Forest. There must be something about them that has even the priests of the St. Vitus Abbey go to see them.
This does not fool me, and should not fool you. Do not trust them as you should remember the rumor that they rightful own the village and only wait to enjoy our slow destruction. Do not listen to their banter, not to their charming voices. They seek nothing but our vitiation.
We heard a whisper the other day, apparently a dagger was found on the Council Chamber table in the castle the other day. With the point being positioned so that it was pointing directly at the Council Chairman’s seat. We sent someone to check it out and to make a sketch; but when he arrived he found this: Is it me or is this NOT a dagger, hmmm perhaps Cali had too much Mead.?
Was wandering over the City bridge the other day when i noticed, precariously balanced on the rooftop, a figure in shining armour. Odd I thought, can’t remember anyone saying they were going to erect a Statue…. and then it moved. It was the glorious leader of our Guard, Sir Yaron. Of course i thought, any murderous barbarians attacking the main gate would be surprised bya knight plummeting from the rooftops. The shock tactic would be devastating. Let’s hope they break his fall.
Shhh! SILENT DIARY
Now here is a strange thing, A page, seeming to have been torn out of a notebook has been found on the road. it appears to be in the form of a diary, and reads thus:
I have arrived, drenched and beaten to bits .
My leg is mangled badly, but strangely enough I feel calm.
This beach is so soothing, but I fear if I am not to find help soon my leg will demise .
I ventured into the island, and found a small town which seems friendly enough. I need to be cautious though. A friendly lady working the farmland here, took me to the Healer who aided my leg..It seems I have stumbled upon a gem here, it is by far better then Iceland.
I woke to a a blaze outside the church, as I staggered out the door I was met by a fiery cart that was burning. As I cast a spell to extinguish the fire, the child who had been there/ ran away screaming “Demon”, I surely hope it is not how people see me… But I need to keep a low profile with this magic as I settle here.
The page is signed: “Silent “
With the sheer brilliance of a fabled detective (and the fact the note was signed), your Editor has deduced that it was written by none other than the newly arrived Priest, ‘Silent.’
However, what is disquieting about this epistle is that its author freely admits using magic. Now, not wishing to prejudice any judgement that may arise…. but shouldn’t he be tried and then burned at the stake? I mean come on villagers, we haven’t had a decent execution for ages.
IS THAT LEG BANDAGED OR ARE YOU JUST PLEASED TO SEE ME?
If you happen to see the new Priest, who has the unlikely name of ‘Silent’. I mean how can one who is supposed to be spreading the word of God be called Silent?… I digress… The first thing you will notice, is the enormous bandage on one of his lower limbs. I suspect that our resident healer Mysti, having rather a slack period in the hospital somewhat overdid the bandages as a relief from her boredom.
My s̶p̶y̶ reporter failed to note the most important details that interest our readers, like were there red candles involved?, was everyone dressed? (leg apart) and of course where was Drindel’s goat?
DRINDEL MEETS THE PRIEST
But more about this Priest, when Drindel met him, she was happily clearing out the remains of her cart from the Church, including the disgusting remains of the fish that even the village cats were avoiding. Like all juvenile delinquents, she just loves playing with fire, so bored with cleaning, and with the stink of the fish in her nose, she set fire to the lot, cart, fish and all. By this time Riven had appeared and having made disparaging comments about Drindles cleanliness and the state of her clothes, stood as if transfixed by the conflagration. The Priest on the other hand reacted in a most un-priestly way, by calling forth magic to dowse the flames. Well obviously this upset poor little Drindel who, screaming ‘Demon’ at the top of her voice over and over again ran headlong from the area as if the hounds of hell were at her heels.
CURSES I THREW UP!
Having it seems become interested in the recent exorcism of Dart and his subsequent disappearance, the Priest Silent, ventured back to the Hospital and sitting down with Misty and Mysti (is the collective term therefore not ‘Foggy’?); explores the possibility of removing the curse laid upon them by old Miss Esmeralda at the recent exorcism. Doing some strange things with his cross; and ignoring the nearby ravings of Councillor Riven, he proceeds to draw the offending curse within himself. How do I know this? Well because he then staggered to the door and with an amazing display of projectile vomiting, narrowly missed my well hidden s̶n̶i̶t̶c̶h̶ reporter. Still the girls can relax no safe in the knowledge that Miss Esmeralda, bashing them with her stick apart, can do them no further harm.
Our intrepid priest then embarked upon an unlikely quest by going into the forest to find the reclusive Hunter Veldrin. Now everyone knows that Veldrin is not only a grumpy sod, but he also refuses to have anything to do with religion. So it was a much chastened priest who stumbled back across the river, with some rather pithy Anglo Saxon words ringing in his ears and the threat of an arrow in the rear end were he to return.
WEEKLY CHURCH SERVICES TO RESUME (Veldrin heads for the hills)
This Sunday past, there was a very successful Church Service held at the Church of St Vitus on the hill. It must have been successful because Miss Esmeralda attended and didn’t curse anyone. So cashing in on this success, the Priestly Silent, says he intends to continue to hold these services on a weekly basis and/or every Sunday whichever comes first..
A WEEPY BARDIC
Bucket loads of tears were shed at a crowded bardic session in the Tavern last night those stories included was a tale of woe from Iceland told by Silent and a heart wrenching tale from Jade which had everyone in floods of tears. However the new faces, well at least those who were not swept out of the doors on the deluge of grief. were very welcome; and included a rather fetching barmaid Leana dancing to a highland reel… or was it reeling to a highland dance?
If any of us could doubt what a callous and cold creature Veldrin the Hunter is; his actions after the bardic speak volumes. A fox (Vulpes Vulpes) was bent of snaffling a chicken from Miss Misty. She on the other hand wanted it to go. They argued, well Misty argued the Fox tried to bite her. Up stepped her new neighbour who bravely confronted the red one; it tried to bite her. So armed only with his bandaged leg, who should arrive but the Priest Silent. He confronted the fox, the fox tried to bite him, he hit the fox over the head, it tried to bite him. It was at this point, with no warning, no attempt to help frighten the creature away, The Hunter raised his bow, fired an arrow into the poor wee thing and down it went, dead as the proverbial doornail. Those present were stunned and Veldrin?, well he just walked away; with neer so much as a backward glance.